Men in Midlife
Not a Crisis - a Calling
You’ve worked hard, built a life, and checked the boxes. Like many men, maybe you have a good group of friends, a family, a career that has brought satisfaction and paid the bills. Things have mostly gone okay. But lately, something feels different. You realize your passion and energy have dissipated. The things that used to drive you no longer light you up. You may be thinking more about the past than the future.
This is normal for men in midlife.
It often starts in our late 30s. We try to fight it off by switching jobs, breaking up with a partner, moving to a new town. Some people call it a “midlife crisis”. But that doesn’t really capture it. Men often move into a major internal transformation during this phase of life — one that affects identity, relationships, career, and the sense of what it means to be a man. But in Western culture, those rituals are largely absent. Men are encouraged to stay young, stay strong, stay productive, even when something inside is calling for a different kind of life. That pressure keeps many men stuck.
It's time.
Now is the time to loosen your grip and step into a new way of being. Men in midlife are often invited to redefine success, identity, relationships, and what masculinity personally means to them. It’s time to let go of expectations — from family, society, and the stories about who you “should” be. My male clients come to me at different stages, but they all share the same quality: a desire to feel more alive. Some have a clear idea of what they’d rather be doing; others have only a vague sense of what truly makes them happy. I believe that everyone has a spark inside, just waiting to be ignited.
What the Work Looks Like
Think of me as both a coach and a therapist — a guide who encourages you, accompanies you to the difficult places, and helps you keep moving forward.
In our first session, I’ll seek to understand your unique challenges, as well as your dreams. I will ask about your history, including past and present circumstances. We will then start down a path, step-by-step. This won’t be a cookie-cutter plan. It’s a quest that is uniquely yours.
Our exploration will almost certainly include detours. Voices from the past, your friends, and our culture may challenge you — testing your confidence with doubts and uncertainty along the way. This process may ask you to examine—and release—deeply held beliefs that no longer serve you. Flexibility, grace, and trust will be your greatest assets on this adventure.
Our Journey Together
The stages below offer a loose roadmap for the work we’ll do together. Change doesn’t happen all at once, and it doesn’t follow a straight line. You might be standing at the edge of something new, stuck somewhere in the middle, or circling back to pieces that still need attention. That’s normal. Wherever you are, we’ll start there — and move forward at a pace that’s real and sustainable.
Setting Out
We’ll begin by honoring what has brought you here— expressing gratitude for the experiences that have provided you the exact tools needed for the path ahead. There may be some sadness as you gaze back at old aspirations, realizing not all came to fruition, or that some were never yours. Some of my clients want to skip this step, eager to dive into what’s next. But this is a necessary part of the process.
Visioning
Next, we’ll uncover who you are now and what you truly care about. What dreams have you held on to but never pursued? What really lights your fire? What do you truly value? What are your gifts and talents? You will come out of this phase with a new understanding of what makes you say “hell yes.”
Committed Action
This is where the change becomes real. It’s not enough to simply understand what this new chapter holds - now it’s time to uncover and commit to action. This is the “boots on the ground” stage, slow and steady. You’ll likely be doing things that seem totally new, and it may be hard to be a beginner again. You’ll make mistakes and experience waves of doubt - but you’ll keep going.
Celebration
You’ve earned it. It’s time to reflect and honor yourself, and share your good fortune with others.
How This is Different From Regular Therapy
It includes many of the same components, but the process goes beyond talking. And the piece that makes it all work is your desire for a more meaningful existence. It will get you through the hard stuff. There may be some delays and diversions, but if you keep the goal of feeling more alive in mind, you will make it through and come out a very different person. As part of our time together, I may recommend that we do a deep dive into some early memories and experiences, using techniques such as EMDR or IFS parts work to release old patterns that keep you stuck.
Ready for What’s Next?
You don’t have to keep pushing through or figure this out alone. You’re not broken - you’re evolving. If you’re ready to stop settling and start living in a way that is more aligned with who you are, I’d be honored to help.
“You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.”
- C.S. Lewis